Glee Recap: Big Brother

Screw Optimus Prime

by CaliforniaKara

Naked Blaine Anderson in the shower on Glee. Was a shirtless, nude
Darren Criss necessary for this scene? Maybe, um...who cares?
Check out that muscle structure.

Warning: It's tax season* and I'm tireder than Oprah at the end of her "My Favorite Things" episodes, so tonight's recap is full of piss and vinegar because my patience is wearing thin.

When we last gathered 'round the tube to watch Glee's Anatomy, Quinn appeared to be dead, a victim of (MESSAGE) texting while driving.

Wow, would they actually have the cajones to kill off a main character? Something not many TV shows have followed through on? (Game of Thrones the rare exception.)

They ended the episode with an ominous "to be continued..." title card, fade to black.

Which means in tonight's ep, there's only one thing we need to know: is she alive?

If Glee takes more than 37 seconds to answer this burning question, I'm turning off the TV and going to bed.

So here we go...
26 seconds in and we find out that Quinn...lived. And looks perfect. Not a scar to been seen. Anywhere.

Photo: Unknown.

Wait...just like that, Quinn's okay? And in a wheelchair? With picture perfect hair and an old biddy shirt? Which means we're going to have an inevitable MESSAGE thing where she bonds with Artie, who will tell her that just because she had to use a wheelchair for a week doesn't make her his BFF?

Whatever, Glee. The only redeeming thing about this episode is that it's directed by Eric Stoltz (who's been fab on all the Glee eps he's directed to date).

Oh, wait. Quinn's spine is compressed, so she's sorta kinda paralyzed. I renig. It's tax season, remember?

But wait, what is this eye candy? Technically, it's Blaine's older brother, Cooper Anderson (USA Network's White Collar star Matt Bomer).

I have to wonder if Ryan Murphy gave Blaine that surname years ago just so he could one day create a character that's a flip flop of "is he or isn't he gay" Anderson Cooper.

Dear Grilled Cheezus: Please let this not be the last we've of Matt Bomer. Especially after this Sue-perb duet with a non-shirtless Darren Criss:

Gotye - "Somebody That I Used to Know"



Overall, the ep was blah, blah, Rachel and Finn fighting about marrying/moving to NYC/California, blah blah, Sue's pregnant but there may be issues, blah blah, give Shue and Emma a few lines, blah, give Nene Leakes (Real Housewives of Atlanta) a scene stealing op, blah blah. Oh, and Nationals will be in Chicago.

The only redeeming factor was that the songs actually fit into the context of the ep. 1 point for that.

Morning Announcements
(i.e., questions, comments & sarcastic remarks)

• "The doctor had to shine a flashlight in your va-jay-jay to get all the bats to fly out. I understand that keeping bats out of your womb is important part of having a baby when you're older than God." - Coach Roz Washington (NeNe Leakes) to Sue
• "Blaine, your brother's the best looking man in North America." - Kurt
• "New York is about the work that you do, not the work that you've had done." - Rachel
• I'm with TV Guide's Damian Holbrook: Will is Sue's Baby Daddy.
• “I could’ve easily become one of those creepy memorial pages in the yearbook, but by the grace of God I’m here." - Quinn
• "You’re nothing but a coven of tardy, narcissistic, bloated bags of cellulite who will stab each other in the back at the first glimpse of a solo in a competition hosted by a late-night horror movie host." - Sue
• "If Alan Menken isn’t personally writing you a fairy tale musical at this very moment I will hunt him down and beat him senseless with a cudgel, because you, sir, are a Disney prince." - Sue to Cooper
• "The secret to great acting, GREAT acting: Ignoring whatever the other actor is doing. Eye contact with a scene partner is incredibly distracting. I try to tune them out entirely. Sometimes I wear earplugs. That way I don’t get distracted by what they’re doing and I can focus on the awesome acting choices I’ve planned ahead of time like eating a roast beef sandwich." - Cooper
• "Do you think just because you stand there quietly mouth-breathing and reeking from this morning’s maple-y toaster pastries that you’re not interrupting me?" - Sue to Becky
• "I said absolutely nothing about the implausible sexual tension between Mercedes and the Kentucky Fried Stripper." - Sue
• "It’s in Porcelain’s DNA to poop rainbow glitter." - Sue

Bonus clips

Blaine and Cooper Anderson's audition for Michael Bay's Transformers movie:

Christina Aguilera - "Fighter"



Duran Duran - "Hungry Like The Wolf / Rio"



*ProTip: Your taxes are due 1 week from today, on April 17th...yes that's 2 days later than the usual April 15th.

Posted in: CaliforniaKara,glee,naked darren criss is ripped,Real Housewives of Atlanta