|Photo: Golden Globes.|
by The Awards Witch
Before I predict the winners for your Golden Globes pools (what, you don't do those? Nerd.) here is a list of things that are GUARANTEED to happen tonight.
- It's the 69th Golden Globes. Expect Ricky Gervais to play the obvious joke to death. That being said, it will be funny every time. Funny as in 7th grade boy that jsut figured out the connotation.
- Someone will drop the F note in their acceptance speech. There is no obvious choice for who, with Melissa Leo not being nominated, but it will happen.
- God will be thanked a minimum of 8 times. 30 if Sinead O'Conner pulls out the win* AND is allowed to fly on airplanes that serve booze to get her here.
See The Awards Witch's predictions after the jump!
At first glance, it's nothing more than Sofia Vergara's boobs, but watch as Jason Sudeikis
kills in on Saturday Night Live last night as Golden Globes host Ricky Gervais. Video: Hulu.
Best Motion Picture Drama
Will Win: The Descendents
Should Win: The Descendents
Upset: The Help
Reasoning: This is the year of George Clooney. In my life, every year is the year if George Clooney, but... well, that's a little off topic. The Help could squeak a win, but count the rest out. Also, keep in mind, this is the Hollywood FOREIGN Press. Baseball is kind of an American thing, and no one has forgiven Brad Pitt for Troy yet, so Moneyball has no hope. No matter how much you liked it.
Best Performance By an Actress in a Motion Picture-Drama
Will Win: Meryl Streep
Should Win: Meryl Streep
Upset: Viola Davis
Reasoning: Meryl is amazing. She almost cannot lose here. Viola Davis has some critical attention, so there is an off-chance it happens, but I am calling Meryl. Rooney Mara doesn't have a chance because the HFPA will recognize the superiority of the Swedish version, Tilda Swinton gives me nightmares, and well, Glenn Close isn't a fair nomination. Although, she's been playing a woman in life for so long, it could have been hard to revert back to her roots for the role.
Best Performance By an Actor in a Motion Picture-Drama
Will Win: George Clooney
Should Win: George Clooney
Upset: Michael Fassbender
Reasoning: See above for Best Motion Picture Drama. Poor Leo. He tries, and tries, and tries, and I keep seeing Kate Winslet unclench his cold, dead hand somewhere in the North Atlantic while promising to "Never let go, Jack." Ryan Gosling needs a few more years under his belt before he makes the bigtime. Michael Fassbender is amazing, and although I didn't see Shame, I'm sure that acting out the majority of Hollywood marriages was hard to watch. Wait, that's not what that movie was about?
Best Motion Picture Comedy or Musical
Will Win: The Artist
Should Win: The Artist
Reasoning: Even a silent movie was better than Bridesmaids. Other than Melissa McCarthy shitting in a sink, that movie was NOT funny.
Best Performance By an Actress-Comedy or Musical
Will Win: Michelle Williams
Should Win: Michelle Williams
Upset: Charlize Theron
Reasoning: Michelle Williams survived Dawson's Creek to become one of the finer actresses of her generation. Charlize Theron is one of my unwatchables, because she clearly thinks her shit doesn't stink, but she did do well in Monster, and that will be remembered. Kristen Wiig is only funny while improv-ing, so she's screwed here. The other two cancel out.
Best Performance By an Actor-Comedy or Musical
Will Win: Jean Dujardin
Should Win: Jean Dujardin
Upset: Brendan Gleeson
Reasoning: It will be funny to watch whoever is announcing this award butcher his name. Brendan Gleeson was awesome in Harry Potter, which wasn't nominated, so there could be a makeup award here. Owen Wilson has been done since Marley and Me, so count him out.
Best Supporting Actress:
Will Win: Octavia Spencer
Should Win: Octavia Spencer
Upset: Shailene Woodley
Reasoning I need none here. Octavia Spencer was grand. In any other class, Shailene Woodley would have this in the bag, but Octavia ruined her run.
Best Supporting Actor:
Will Win: Christopher Plummer
Should Win: Christopher Plummer
Upset: Kenneth Branagh
Reasoning: Christopher Plummer was amazing. He will get the "career wrap-up" win here. Kenneth Branagh was also in Harry Potter 2.
Will Win: Alexander Payne
Should Win: Martin Scorcese
Upset: Martin Scorcese
Reasoning: I think the HFPA will go with Alexander Payne, but they should go for Martin Scorcese. The fact that he turned out Hugo is actually a fascinating master class in how NOT to typecast yourself.
Here are predictions for the rest:
- Best Animated Feature: Puss in Boots
- Best Foreign Language Film: The Skin I Live In (Spain)
- Best Screenplay: Midnight in Paris
- Best Original Score: Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross for The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo
- Best Original Song: "The Living Proof" from The Help
- Best Television Series Drama: Games of Thrones
- Best TV Actress Drama: Claire Danes
- Best TV Actor Drama: Steve Buscemi
- Best TV Series Comedy or Musical: Modern Family
- Best TV Actress Comedy or Musical: Tina Fey
- Best TV Actor Comedy or Musical: Alec Baldwin
- Best Miniseries or TV Movie: Downton Abbey
- Best Actress in Miniseries or TV Movie: Kate Winslet
- Best Supporting Actress in Miniseries or TV Movie: Maggie Smith
- Best Actor in Miniseries or TV Movie: Bill Nighy
- Best Supporting Actor in Miniseries or TV Movie: Peter Dinklage
Tally up at the end of the night and let me know if you beat me. I'm still smarting over the idiocy of Alan Rickman not being nominated for Harry Potter 7-2, so it could be throwing me off my game.
Check back at 7:00 pm ET (4:00 pm Pacific) when I will be live blogging the Red Carpet Arrivals. Want to bet Charlize Theron is dressed like a jackass?