Gingerbreadmama's Gossip Wrap: Tatas insured, more celebs kicked off airlines and possible infidelity. Just another day at the office.

Gingerbreadmama says: That’s A Wrap


Breast Interest
Holly Madison, currently seen strutting her stuff, topless, in the Vegas production of PeepShow, has taken out a million dollar insurance policy with Lloyd’s of London on her tatas. “I've heard about people getting body parts insured and I thought, why not?, because if anything happened to my boobs, I'd be out for a few months and I'd probably be out a million dollars. I thought I'd cover my assets”.

Insured for 1 million but you can see them nude for $72.60

As her “primary money makers”, she claims, “I think they're getting the credit they deserve.”
A short list of other celebs that have insured their assets are Dolly Parton (breasts), David Beckham, Mary Hart, Mariah Carey, Brooke SHeilds, Angie Everhart, Jamie Lee Curtis (legs), America Ferrera (smile), Bruce Springsteen, Rod Stewart (voice), Keith Richards (hands), David Lee Roth (sperm, not joking), Tom Jones (chest hair, again, not joking).


Stay with us for the lesbian make out session after the jump!

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Life/Death/Rebirth - HP Touchpad Timeline

Amazon previewed their new, affordable crop of Kindles this week but I'm not ready to even think about it until I get this post out of my system. I have spent so much time trying to nail down a discounted and discontinued HP Touchpad that I absolutely lost myself in the hunt.

I was part of the online mob that tried to ruin one retailer as we successfully brought them to their knees. The Touchpad message boards were my new hangout as I frantically searched for available Pads, and I actually got into an ongoing (and heated) argument with some fools over on the Engadget message boards (yup, I lost my sh*t) on the subject of Touchpad entitlement.

So...in the interest of healing and letting go, let's look back at this failed device and give it the honor it is due in...

A Touch Pad Timeline

July 1^st 2011

Hewlett Packard: Hello American public! Please buy our new HP Touchpad! It is $599 for the 32GB and $499 for the 16GB and runs the WebOS operating system which you may remember from the near extinct Palm Pre

American Public: That is the same price as an iPad 2. Why should we buy your product instead of the iPad 2? Is it superior?

HP: No. Pretty much every review says it is a flawed device that sometimes freezes and the battery does not last as long as an iPad2!

AP: Um…why would we buy this over a Samsung Galaxy 10.1? Which gets fantastic reviews (as good as the iPad 2, but it is not as glamorous to the masses) and runs the popular Android system

HP: Um….You like the Hewlett Packard brand.

AP: No Thanks! But we will read about your flop debut on our iPad 2.


(the timeline continues..after the jump!)

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Trailer Park - Paranormal Activity 3

Well this gave me the heebie-jeebies. After the unexpectedly creepy and monetarily succesful sequel, Paranormal Activity 2, You'd think this cash cow would have run out of steam by now, but the producers may prove themselves to be the most clever of dicks by hiring the directors of Catfish, the little seen but hypnotic Facebook and false identity driven "documentary," to helm Paranormal Activity 3.

With all odds stacked against them, this may not suck. Also in their corner, creepy kids are always good for a jolt!

Long Jump Put into Perspective

I have new respect for Olympic Long Jump contenders after watching this video with J.J. Jegede, a physically impressive bloke that wants to represent Great Britain in London's 2012 Olympic Games. In this video, he leaps over three Mini Cooper's(!!!)and at 8.04 meters, that's still shy of the 8.20 qualifying mark.

Maybe they should bring in some Mini-Cooper's to spruce up the next Summer Olympics because watching someone jump over three cars is a hell of a lot more impressive (and fun!) than watching them jump into some boring ass dirt.

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The Gnu View: Don’t Stop Believing

"Hey you, I know you!" Photo credit: Forbes.com.

Editor's Note: With the 2012 Presidential election tomfoolery already in full swing, we debut our new political column by Barry Gnu. Politics is already HIGHsterical, so here's TWL's snarky take on the Race to the Rose Garden 2012.

Santa Claws¹ gave a rousing speech at the Reagan Presidential Library on Tuesday in which he did everything everyone² wants him to do except announce that he’s actually running for President. Despite his continued denials (which become less and less convincing over time), everything else about the speech pointed to an eventual run.

Christie made direct comparisons between himself and President Obama, hinted at the strengths and experience he would bring to the position, even gave a sincere nod to bi-partisanship³ and had the audience literally begging him to throw his oversize red velvet hat into the 2012 Presidential ring.

The (first⁴) question is, will Christie actually run?

Personally, I think so. Much has been made of the overall weakness of the 2012 GOP field. When candidates such as Hair⁵, CrazyEyes⁶, Mittens⁷, and The Joker⁸ can all lead in major (albeit early) horse race polls and The Quitter⁹ still looms as a major power broker, is it small wonder that the Republicans are still taking applicants for the position?

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How Badass Do You Think You Are?

Photo credit: I Can Relate.

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Courtesy of Simple, Uncomplicated Outdoorsy Jarrod

This sent in by an off the market, OJ.  Now I know why he has been walking around lately with that stressed, "What the hell did I do wrong NOW?" hen-pecked look on his face.

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The X Factor Recap: The Last Auditions

By Heather PV

The thing I love about the X Factor opening is that it’s a cross between the Olympics (hopeful stories of “average” people striving for greatness) and the Lord of the Rings (insanely epic music … everywhere). The thing I love more about the X Factor is that tonight is its final night of auditions. I have to confess, I don’t like auditions. I never liked twisting together my clarinet just to sweat through an audition, and I don’t like watching other people sweat through them, either.

Nicole S. is in the house tonight. We have a young chap in town. Brian, 14, has more cool in his little finger than I have in my whole freaking body. (And yes, my body is freaky. In case you were wondering.) He dresses cool, he talks cool, he says the reason he doesn’t have a record deal is because of “politics.” I didn’t even know what politics were when I was 14. He has a bit of an aggressive, arrogant vibe and his rapping involves a lot of warnings against looking at his mom. He even raps about his mother nursing him. NURSING HIM. This, my friends, must be a hip-hop first.

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Lettuce Eat: Retro Spaghetti and Meatballs

Welcome back to Retro Food Time!

Compared to last month, I've decided to tone it down a bit and go for something a little more...normal. Not to mention this week's food is something we could actually eat.

I found this image online and just had to make it:

That's right folks--Spaghetti and meatballs.

So here is my finish product, in the likeness of the above illustration.

I even tried to make it look somewhat retro.

Recipe after the jump.

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Super Avengers Aqua Mattchew Man

This clusterf*ck EW Avengers cover will be arriving in my mailbox tomorrow and I can't wait.

While we're talking fictional heroes, SD Mattchew, Aquaman would like a word with you...

Dear SDMattchew,
When T told you that he was rebooting this reality in 2012, you dropped this in the comments section,

T - when you reboot reality (which I'm really looking forward to, by the way), please don't include anything having to do with Aquaman. He's a sucky superhero. Oh yeah? Wait till you get a load of the updated version of me in the the new DC Comics Justice League reboot!

-Sincerely, Aquaman

Should SD Mattchew be impressed by the Aqua reboot?   Take a looksee for yourself...after the jump!

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Stavvy Throws Brunch Gathering in Honor of Bye Bye Boot!

Stavvy flew into town to throw a brunch in honor of The Boot going buh-bye and I thought it would be fun to do a little round table and give a snippet of info about those in attendance!

1. Eddy- Bossy restaurant manager and personal trainer that keeps telling me I'm fat and should go to rehab for foot even though doctors say not necessary. Should have kept trucker hat on for photo to avoid looking like he just stumbled in from sacred land.
2. Rob the Go Go Dancing Chemist - 50% muscle, 50% drama. Face can appear bitchy but is actually a walking cuddle-cake. Recently leap-frogged over others to become my 3rd favorite co-worker.
3. T (me). Most powerful and attractive African American at the brunch. Humanitarian. Civil rights activist. Loves everyone until food rations get low.
4. Sonya the Grouch - Cranky, Modern woman that likes younger men because she says they, "smell better". Has that alluring sex appeal that comes with being an extremely bitchy woman.

the roundtable continues...after the jump!

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Joy Triumphant!

I've got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart
Where?
Down in my heart!
Where?
Down in my heart!
I've got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart
Down in my heart to stay

America's Next Top Model Cycle 17 Recap: Kristin Cavallari

This week's episode of America's Top Model All-Stars kicked off with a surprise guest appearance by Laguna Beach starlet Kristin Cavallari!

I guess Lauren Conrad was busy?

Cavallari dishes out advice on how to turn reality stardom into obscurity.

After an awkward sit down with Kirstin, the girls were whisked off to The Grove for an impromptu Extra bit with Mario Lopez. Lisa and Bianca led two teams of girls through the interview process, which was a high stakes challenge because the winning team would be safe from eliminations. Although Bianca was criticized for talking about vomit, Allison's cute as a button no-nonsense delivery landed Bianca's team in the top position, leaving only Angelea, Isis, Dominique, Laura, Alexandria, and Lisa on the chopping block this week. 

Camielle and Isis perform an impromptu Broadway dance routine titled, "My Fair Drag Queen"

Check out Tyra's tooch after the jump...

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The X Factor Recap: Auditions, Chicago

X Marks This Spot

by Heather PV

I hope you don’t mind if I rush through these auditioners, but I think we all know there are too many more of these two-hour nightmares to sit through for us to go all wordy on their asses. Good news: Cheryl Cole is back, in all her unintelligible glory. Until Nicole S. replaces her halfway through. Who knew these chicks had such busy schedules that they had to tag-team the X-Factor?

Makenna and Brock are first, a country duo with a chick who looks like Nicole Ritchie and her lovelorn partner. Then there are a few crappy singers, then Skylar Anderson comes up and busts out some kick-ass country even when the sound goes out. He gets “yes” times four his performance.

Then three of the four judges go crazy and vote “yes” for a dude who moaned “Creep.” It was creepy and awful and weird. A number of awful contestants follow, but I guess the judges decided to give them a big, fat, “no.”

A mother's love and more PV...after the jump!

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And Some Solid Relationship Advice

A Moment of Warmth

Ringer Recap: If You Ever Need a French Lesson

Marja's recommendation for season one of Ringer? More of this please!

This week on Days of Our Lives Ringer, Sarah Michelle Gellar continues to pull a double shift playing twin sisters Bridget and Siobhan. While the phrase "third times the charm" doesn't quite hold true here, this third episode of the series seems to set the pace for the season to come, which has slowed down quite a bit from it's frantic and often distracted pilot. 

When we last left Briobhan (Bridget posing as sister Siobhan), she decided to stay in NYC to tie up loose ends and be a wife/mother to fake husband Andrew and his wayward daughter Juliet. However, within the first five minutes of the episode, Juliet was conveniently shipped off to her mother's house, in a plot move I like to call "pulling a Taylor Momsen". 

"Um excuse me, but can you give me directions to the unemployment office?

See if Ringer dials up the sexy after the jump!

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Dancing with the Stars Recap: Week 2 Elimination

Elisa-betta pack her bags!

By SDMattchew

If you were as shocked by tonight’s Dancing with the Stars elimination as I was, you also made the mistake of overlooking two things:

1. This is Week 2
2. Dancing ability is not critical in Week 2

So yes, there were stars who danced well last night.  And well… there was Chaz Bono.  But like I said, ability was not necessarily key in deciding who got kicked this week.  It’s too early in the competition for that.  America simply isn’t ready to vote for who has talent – or who has believable injuries.  They’re ready to vote for who they know. 

And who they didn’t know was unfortunately what’s-her-name (Clooney’s ex).

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Glee Recap: I Am Unicorn

There's a Place For Us

by CaliforniaKara

Tonight's episode explored being true to your real self, with a healthy dose of how you'd like to be perceived and how others really see you. Whether it was admitting you can't dance (Finn) or aren't the straight, hetero-oh leading man you'd like to be (Kurt). Or a tramptastic skank (Quinn). Or a mom (Shelby, again Quinn) or a daughter (Rachel). Or an actor on a hit, high profile show who can't act (Mike...er, oops).

We started off with the Glee Club getting told they needed to go to Booty Camp (really, Shue, even you didn't think that wording was a little inappropriate?). And Kurt's running for office, with Brittany as his campaign manager. Apparently her plan is to have him run on the Unicorn Platform. (I would think even T's heart melted a little when Brittany explained who unicorns are magical, and that Kurt's one of them.)

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2012 Rock N' Roll Hall of Fame Nominees Announced

A Music Moment with Marja: Geezer Edition

Cleveland's Latest Tourist Campaign: "Better than Detroit!"

Cleveland's Rock N' Roll Hall of Fame has released their 2012 nominees for induction, and once again, I'm feeling old as dirt. As a teenager, the Rock N' Roll Hall of Fame inductees were as relevant to me as Pepsodent and prune juice. Nominees were something that my grandmother listened to on 8-track while relaxing on her davenport. By the time I was in my mid-twenties, David Bowie, Pink Floyd, The Eagles and other classics my dad used to play on vinyl were being inducted and I still felt light years away from the dated Hall of Fame ceremonies.

Until now.  

Looking at today's list of nominees, it felt like someone stole my "Rad Bands" mixtape from my Sony Walkman. Bands that got me through junior high, senior prom, that ill-fated first relationship, and a couple dozen underage trips to Tijuanna are all represented in this year's possible inductees, even some that are still on my heavy rotation.  

"What is this '15 minutes' I keep hearing people whispering about??"

I'm sure the Beyonce/Beiber generation questions the relevance of a ceremony that seems like a bunch of old white folks waxing about "when music was good", but trust me young whipper snappers, one day you too will be watching Katy Perry standing at a podium with her prosthetic hip thanking "God and Russell" for her lifetime achievement award. So until then, please don't rain on my parade.

Let's take a look at the noms after the jump....

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Cheap Bastard Strikes Again!

One day, when you're grown, I'll tell you the story of how, using rewards points, store coupons, and manufacturer coupons that were affixed to the bottle, I got a local drug store to PAY ME to remove their entire stock of previously, preposterously priced at $8.99, bottles of all natural, hippie-ass lotion.

Cashier: "Are there any of those left? Did you take them all?"
Me: "Nope and Yup"

It smells real nice too.

One day I'll tell the tale, but not today, you're just not ready.

Dancing with the Stars Scorecard: Week 2 Recap

Bruno to Nancy:  "A bit top heavy at times."  (ha ha)

A Nancy Nip Slip and a Bono-fied Injury 

By SDMattchew

It’s hard to believe the Dancing with the Stars playing field has already been reduced to only one celebrity athlete, but we all knew that was bound to happen sooner or later.  So we return to the ballroom for Week 2 with our one remaining athlete, two or three talk show hosts, a few actors, Chaz Bono, and a Kardashian.

How did these remaining 11 “stars” fare?

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Gingerbreadmama's Bite: Kat & Her Tats Back on the Market

Single and staying in L.A.

Kat and Jesse sitting in a tree, b.r.e.a.k.i.n.g. up...again.

Kat Von D posted the latest split with fiance Jesse James on her Facebook account, apologizing for "all the 'back and forth' if it's caused any confusion."

Without citing a tangible reason for the break-up (but really, with Jesse’s relationship history do you need anyone to actually spell it out), Kat stated, "It was clear to me that we were just on two different paths in life. My friend put it best when he said I could never be more deserving of total, noble love. And as a woman, I think it's important to know your value and never lose sight of that."

So, once more, with feeling….you can’t go back to holding hands.

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Monday Morning Malice, Featuring Lindsey Lohan and Sarah Palin

Up in Coke - A Love Story

Hey Lindsey!  Looks like you could use my assistance and I'm willing to lend a hand.

Yeah, that looks like coke to me. We can cover that up with something thats not illegal, Bill Clinton style, but you should probably pick yourself up a pack of these, because you're going to need them...

Find out what Lindsey should pick up at the drug store supermarket, after the jump!

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Here to Help While T at Trainer

T's working out with a personal trainer to snap back into shape after his injury so I'll be helping out around here more than usual today.  See one more pic of T working out, after the jump!

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Saturday Night Live Asks "Who's On Top"

CaliforniaKara sent the Editor and Chief and I the video above. (You may remember his missive "Rise of the Power Bottoms" where he explained the dynamics of tops vs. bottoms.) It is funny, because Alec Baldwin is always amazing, but the E-I-C didn't think it was funny enough and sent us the following e-mail.

I should have trademarked the game, we (HNB, Beefy Jon, T, D3, Dave the Strange, and myself) used to eat at this sushi place in Hillcrest and always request a window seat so we could watch all the people going by. We first would play "Gay or Straight" guessing the orientation of individuals or couples, but in Hillcrest that is JV shit, we then started playing top or bottom which was a huge hit and caused much debate.

SNL bungled it if you asked me, could have been a lot more funnier (had I helped write the script). Glad to see the mainstream embracing this though, as I mention in my Top vs Bottom thesis, it doesn't apply to homosexuals only.

-The Editor In Chief

Yup. You read that right "had I helped write the script".

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Monday Morning Nerdgasm

I know, you've seen it here before, so don't bitch, but its worth seeing again. 

See the one true enemy of the great Charles Xavier...after the jump!

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Supernatural Recap: Meet the New Boss

False Gods

by Joshowa

Welcome to season 7, Saltgunners! Or do you prefer Mishamigos? Either way, let's jump in!

The Road So Far

Brothers Sam and Dean Winchester fought monsters, demons and other scary things while dying and coming back to life a lot. Castiel, rogue angel, and Crowley, demon leader of Hell, formed a secret alliance to increase their powers by harvesting the souls out of purgatory. The plan worked, but Castiel betrayed everyone and nabbed all the power for himself, despite the warning/pleading/belly-aching of Sam and Dean. His first act as the new god in town? Demanding that Sam, Dean and Bobby (their friend and mentor) kneel before him!

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Lex In the Afternoon: My Thoughts On Religion

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Gingerbreadmama's Gossip Wrap: The who did what edition…Who’s putting out a tell-all? Who broke up?

Accountability 

[Editor's note: Lets get the serious stuff out of the way first]

There isn’t enough money in the world to bring this girl justice after being kidnapped, raped and robbed of her childhood. Last year the state of California agreed to pay Jaycee Dugard “$20 million after she sued for failing to adequately supervise [convicted rapist Phillip] Garrido.”

Now she is suing the U.S. Government for an undisclosed amount, citing “federal authorities should have been more closely monitoring Phillip Garrido”, and that the “failings on the part of federal agents are as outrageous and inexcusable as they are numerous”.

Jayvee says, “she will donate 100 percent of any money she receives” to the nonprofit she founded, The JAYC Foundation, Inc., which helps abduction victims and their families.

He’s back

Arnold Schwarzenegger is writing a second autobiography, according to publisher Simon & Schuster. The memoir will chronicle his “his rise to fame and unlikely transition from Austrian-born champion bodybuilder to Hollywood action star to California governor. Titled “Total Recall: My Unbelievably True Life Story”, the actor/politician/cheater will chronicle “his embodiment of the American Dream.” Release date is October.

Modern day himbos can step the f*ck off!

We've got rock bands breaking up, slutty pumpkins and hotel sex after the jump!

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T's TV Tournament: You Call That A Fight?

This show wasted no time in getting the lead male shirtless (very first scene) or in sucking (very first scene).

I've got room on my fall schedule to add ONE sitcom to the schedule so I'll pitting some TV shows against each other, in one-on-one eliminations, until I'm left with one. In the first round Two Broke Girls scored a narrow win over The New Girl. In this round they face one of the creators (!!!) of their show, Whitney Cummings, in her new sitcom, Whitney...

find out who won round two of  T's TV Tournament, after the jump!

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Here's Johnny! "Dark Shadows" set photo released

Photo credit: EW.

Depp. He's Barnabas Collins in the gothic, soap opera, Dark Shadows remake, directed by Tim Burton. The film also stars (nepotism alert!) Helena Bohnam Carter and Michelle Pfeiffers cheekbones.

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The X-Factor Recap Night 2: X Marks the Spot

Rocky Road

by Heather PV

The X Factor is in hot, sweaty, muggy Miami. If I can get out of the next two hours without seeing a tube top or half-shirt, I’ll be a happy woman.

Although Cheryl came with a lot more upfront judge experience.

Our intrepid judges are here, including Nicole S., who has permanently replaced Cheryl Cole. (Boo!) The biggest stars of the show’s beginning are the security guards who direct the contestants to leave their food and drink outside, but encourage them to bring their hopes and dreams into the building.

Simon was more impressed with Nicole's (r) assets. 

The first motormouthed contestant, Ashely, eats up a good 10 minutes of the show. She’s has to take her shoes off to sing an unintelligible version of “Piece of My Heart.” It’s awful. The judges say no. I’m feeling anger at the producers for making me watch her for so long. We have our first Idol moment with the unabashed delusion, and for a minute I feel like I’m home.

more hilarious X Marks the spot, after the jump!

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The Ranting & Possibly Racist & Shirtless Starbucks Barista is Fired!

This Starbucks Barista was fired in the middle of his shift because of this acoustic rant against the customers that frequent the coffee shop. He said, “I saw this as the only way those of us on the lowest rungs of the ladder can make any changes," but failed to mention why he felt the need to perform the song in his underwear. The Himbo fever got the best of him I guess.

Lex Presents: Logic of the Buzz Kill Variety

Scandal Rocks TWL as The Vampire Diaries Recap Interrupted!

The three leads of Twilight The Vampire Diaries

Last week at this time our new Vampire Diaries column was to debut. The Editor in Chief found a recapper that found California Kara during Comic-Con (while our readership was EXPLODING, and somehow we’ve managed to hold onto you, much to my shock) and she was all set to go until she informed the EIC that she was 17 (sound of needle pulling across record here).  Should we let a 17 year old write for TWL?

The answer to this and more...after the jump!

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America's Next Top Model Cycle 17 Recap: Ashlee Simpson

When Models Meet Weenies

By Marja

To keep Top Model ratings rolling Tyra broke out the ever popular "make-over episode" last night, much to the excitement of the TWL ANTM peanut gallery. Unfortunately, there was so much wine fueled clucking and debate going on during last night's viewing party (Death penalty? Yes or no?) that the bulk of the episode was lost on me.

After Brittany's predictable departure, the remaining contestants were given a sit down by Jay Manuel where he assigned each of them a character type based on audience feedback that would become their own personal "brand" (free, wild, lovable, skank, proud, etc....) They were then whisked off to the beauty salon where guest judge Ashlee Simpson walked around and critiqued their looks for no apparent reason other than she hasn't been on TV in awhile. 

Let's take a look at the make-over scorecard...

Lisa

"Ok, pissing myself in Cycle 5 didn't work. But maybe if I shove this sausage in my mouth I can get first call-out!"

Pre Make-Over: Long wavy blond hair with fringe

Post Make Over: Sassy short do a la Meg Ryan circa 2001

Drek or Fierce?: Fierce

TWL Judges Comments: Miss J hit the mark on this one when he said her old do' looked like "mom hair". Ouch. 

Who went from beauty to busted after the jump!

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The X Factor Recap: The Softer Side of Simon

 X Marks This Spot

with Heather PV

Are you ready for the X Factor? I am! I’ve been hankering for a glimpse of Simon’s nipples through his insanely tight t-shirts ever since he left Idol. Though it’s hard to see them behind the Pepsi cans they judges are contractually obligated to sip from … with straws.

Four judges: Simon Cowell, Nicole Scherzinger, L.A. Reid, Cheryl Cole and your favorite Looney-Tune and mine, Paula Abdul. The stage looks more like WWF wrestling than that of a singing competition.

An announcer stares at the camera while speaking enthusiastically from the cab of a massive truck barreling across a desert toward Los Angeles. The auditioners are not restricted by age, and will win a recording contract with Sony that guarantees the winner $5 million. Yeah, that will be history after their first tour. But anyway.

We are treated to confessions from each judge as to just how much they’ve each risked and given up to be there, on stage, with Simon. Except Paula, who was sitting at home eating cheese balls waiting for Simon to call.

more X Marks this Spot with Heather PV...after the jump!

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Lettuce Eat: Vietnamese Yellow Curry

I ♥ curry. I love how it can be so different depending on location, yet always so tasty. Vietnamese curry has a rich lemongrass flavor and is more on the thin side of curries. Instead of eating it with rice, it is eaten with a baguette because of French influence.

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