Tube Time With T (D3 and his snide anti-television remarks are not welcome here)

After last night's hilarious yet touching episode of Modern Family, I thought, "I hope a lot of people are watching this show. Its so well written, is Oprah sanctioned, and has an extremely positive portrayal of men who lay with other men. I'll write about it tomorrow on my blog as I continue with my nefarious plot to push the gay agenda upon on my unsuspecting readers." Curious to see how many people were watching, I pulled up the list of the top 25 shows of last week and I discovered that Modern Family was actually the most popular show on my "must see" viewing list (!!!) so before I give you solid proof that MF is one of the best shows on television; I need to share the list with you. I've always known my tastes weren't mainstream but....

A List of the Top 25 Shows of the Week in Overall Ratings
(highlighted = programming I watch)

1. Dancing with the Stars
2. NCIS
3. Dancing with the Stars Results Show
4. Sunday Night Football (rarely, but if forced)
5. NCIS: Los Angeles
6. The Mentalist
7. CSI
8. 60 Minutes
9. Grey’s Anatomy
10. Two and a Half Men
11. Hawaii Five-O
12. Criminal Minds
13. Sunday Night Football Pregame
14. NCIS: Los Angeles
15. Big Bang Theory
16. Desperate Housewives
17. Blue Bloods
18. Another Dancing with the Stars Results Show
19. The Defenders
20. Mike & Molly
21. Sh*t My Dad Says
22. Modern Family
23. Survivor
24. Undercover Boss
25. Glee

...sweet crap! There are 15 shows in the top 26 of which I've never even seen one entire episode. I see that people absolutely love their crime procedural programming. I always worry that those shows are teaching homicidal whack-jobs how to get away with murder. Three shows that I abandoned, Dancing With the Stars, Survivor, and Desperate Housewives, are all in the top 25. Dancing actually hogs several slots. But I've prattled on long enough about that, now I give you....

Earth shattering proof that Modern Family is essential viewing:

Here is the cast of Modern Family. There is no one here that I'd like to blow.

While I get Ed Bundy, Lex (the person who recommended MF to me) gets to ogle the hilarious Sofia Vergara. A woman so stacked Lex said he would take her over Kim Kardashian.

When Ed Bundy is actually a viable candidate for hottest guy on the show and I'm still watching, that is nothing short of a miracle. That means the writing and acting are really popping! Not having a blowable cast member has kept me from picking up other Lex-recommended shows like The League, while having a blowable cast member (or two) has actually spared shows like Smallville (it is back on track now but had some crap years) and kept me watching Survivor long after I began to tire of it. Now keep in mind how shallow I am when I bring you this-




Bonus Non-Blowable Blogging: Louie



Watch the 30 second preview of one of my favorite shows, the hilarious yet very depressing, Louie, where the busted beyond belief  Louie is confronted by a bully. After that clip ends, it just goes from bad to worse for poor Louie. Louie is currently in re-runs on FX, or you can watch the full episode here (mature audiences only!), on the FX web-site.

Good Day and Good Night to one of my favorite comedians, the late, great Greg Giraldo ('choke')

California Kara sent me the following correspondence: Saw this [bumper sticker] on the 15 this morning...it's right up your readership's alley.

HAHAHAHA! She thinks you hedonists are as uncouth and into kink as I think you are.

Beyoncé On the Block

According to the description on YouTube: Went to a Big block party in West Orange..the same block where Jay Z mom lives. Jay Z and Beyonce went to visit his mom when the DJ start playing music, Beyonce came out to dance with the neighbors.(you will see my daughter to nervous to get next to her.. Sept 18,2010)

I love this video for three reasons:

1. Watching Beyoncé  in contrast to the mere mortals is astounding. It looks like she just arrived via her invisible plane from Themyscira (the west side of the Island). Although the humidity appears to be wreaking havoc on her weave, it's still impossible to take your eyes off of her.

2. The same ear-splitting shrieks, cackling, hooting and hollerin' from the crowd that is so annoying at the cinema during the opening weekend of the latest Tyler Perry movie, is nice here and completely appropriate for a block-party where Beyoncé  makes an appearance (we blacks are a lively, easily excitable people and can certainly be a bit too boisterous at times).

3. The only white girl in the video almost makes it to the dancing area before she turns and flees. I haven't seen such a look of terror from someone approaching a dance floor since...well since CJ from Hollywood (a horrible dancer, by the way) took me to an all black gay club. I swear the crowd was made up of professional dancers and I turned on a dime and fled in fright and intimidation.

Good Day

Uh-Oh

They gave Simon's old spot to Randy Jackson.

That's all

Pardon the Cliché but... It's Brittany Bitch!

When I was bumpin' this scene from Glee last night, a confused Lex said, "Damn! Britney Spears body is looking good!"  After I recovered from the shock of him thinking it was actualy Britney Spears, I sighed and said, "That aint Britney. It's Brittany. On the best day of her life Britney Spears has never moved liked that or had dat body."

From last night's uneven yet entertaining Britney/Brittany episode of Glee. I say "uneven" because there were a lot of great one-liners but I do not give a flying you know what about Finn and Rachel's relationship. They were on way too much and I just wanted them to shut the hell up so we could get back to dim-bulb Brittany and bitchy Santana.

Santana and Brittany started as extras but have been bumped up to contract players that are threatening to hijack the show.

Another thing I do care about is Uncle Jesse. He has joined the show as Dr.Carl the Dentist and he  just gets better looking every year. I'm not the only one that thinks so..

Santana: Can I just say that you are the hottest dentist I’ve ever seen?
Dr. Carl: Yeah, I get that all the time.
Santana: No like seriously, you can totally drill me whenever…

Ms. Spears made three fun cameos. I think she needs to get more acting gigs as she's a natural on camera.

Britney Spears actually tweeted throughout the episode (yup), and here are some of her tweets:

-I know how hard it is to dance with that snake!  Nice job.... about 1 hour ago via web
-Awww Heather Morris is sooo cute!  Brittany S Pearce.  Ha!  She was so fun to work with and was really sweet in person. about 1 hour ago via web
-John Stamos is still hot!  He looks the same as he did on Full House. about 1 hour ago via web

On the other side of the world; blaquesistah17 tweeted:

-Damn Uncle Jesse fine as f*CK! about 1 hour ago via web

Can A Cricket Panic?

R.I.P. x 15

I ask because several crickets met a grisly, toasty, suffocating end yesterday after Lex failed to provide sufficient shading for them as temperatures rose to unexpected levels yesterday. Intended as supper for his pet tarantula, (Scary) Carrie, the crickets were placed in one of those clear, pet store bags that contain just enough oxygen to keep them alive until they can be thrown in, one by one, to a toothy doom. As added cruelty, the bag was placed right next to Carrie’s cage so she can taunt them (“I’m soooo going to eat you. You’re going to be dead dead dead!”) for the last few weeks of their miserable, captive lives. At least a good gobbling is a quick and humane death (and maybe even a bit fun trying to outrace the spider) but I imagine the poor crickets began to panic yesterday as they cooked inside the plastic bag as the oxygen ran out. I discovered their wilted carcasses this morning after Lex tossed them into the garbage in a cavalier, nonchalant manner.

Pompous Wind-bag advisory in FULL effect!

When I relayed this tale to N.H.F. (a mistake I realized in retrospect, I kid you not he’s still droning on as I TYPE THIS), never one to miss an opportunity for pomposity and gas bagging; he launched into the following after I told him I did indeed think that even a creature as lowly as a cricket panics when they know the gig is up: “A cricket brain can only have so much capacity for suffering. Think about it, they are barely conscious. I think we project that on to all life forms because we feel it. No seriously bear with me. We have a HUGE brain dude with this giant frontal cortex for higher thought.The cricket has just enough brain to make everything work, to send the right signals to legs, digestive, etc. Its "feelings" are more reactionary, like when the doctor hits your knee and you kick. It responds to stimuli, like being cooked alive but what does it really "feel" what is it "aware" of? Not much, in my opinion. Of course the other side of the spectrum says that a tree hurts when you pound a nail into it. I’ve gone back and forth though. Of course the closer the species to us, the more we assume it feels which is probably right since the bigger the brain the more feeling, the more conscious. But I had this talk with….(insert additional and insufferable gas-bagging here that has yet to end)”



F*CK!

You May Want to Sit & Have Kleenex at the Ready

My heart is broken. This is one of the most traumatizing videos I've seen in all of my life. On the live broadcast of Australia's Next Top Model, the host informs the announced winner that she is actually not the winner. Her reaction is mature beyond her years and inspiring. It is also a far cry from the temper tantrum, "f*ck you," "whyyyyyyyyy?" and slaps that I would have dished out.

Moral of the video: Don't get comfy. Your hopes and dreams could be embarrassingly snatched away from you when you are happy, least expect it, and are shockingly vulnerable.

TMZ- It's Not Right, But It's OK

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!

HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!

Scheming Gold-Digger Mines More Internet Treasures While Surfing Web at Work

This Tosh.O video, The Most Perfect Internet Video Ever, was just sent to me by that scheming gold-digger, Stacy from Monterey, and I can't thank her enough.

Let The Pimping Begin: Spoiler Free Dexter Review

Dexter Season 5 Premiere Episode Grade: A

The writers of this show should be lined up and then blown by every single viewer as our way of saying "thank you."

!!!

!!!

Mimi Monday (First In A 3 Part Series)

I have an unusual fascination with Mariah Carey. I know this because Marja told me, "You have an unusual fascination with Mariah Carey."  Yes I know being a Mimi fan is not always easy, thanks to several crappy albums and crappy songs (it happens) and outfit choices that mean people mock, but Mimi was there for me during The Great Depression (aka, The Fall of the Fat Cuckold) a lonely, bed-ridden period of time that I triumphed over thanks to the help of Mimi's hits,  Anytime you Need a Friend and Hero. Since Mimi has a new Christmas album coming out soon (see below) and is possibly preggers (she's clearly much thicker than usual), I decided this would be a good time for three, weekly,  Mimi Monday posts in her honor. Where we'll talk Mimi and I count-down my three favorite Mimi tunes of all time.

A reportedly preggers Mimi today. Victim of cruel nick names like Mooriah. 

An airbrushed to within an inch of her life Mimi on the cover of her upcoming Merry Christmas II You album. Airbrushing technology on this level did not even exist when her classic Merry Christmas album was released 16 years ago. I yammered on about that album on this blog, so you know I'm excited. So is a tweet-happy Kim Kardashian.

The Countdown



#3 - Breakdown featuring Bones Thugs and Harmony.
This song, from the epic Butterfly album, is from the period of time when throes of soccer mom's stopped listening to Mimi (fresh off her divorce from Tommy Mottola, the millionaire that made her a star) because she went hip-hop and her sound got a little edgier and she started sleeping with black men. You can tell she's coming off a break up as she is at her physical peak in the video. She is so absurdly beautiful I had to pause mid-way through to catch my breath.

UPDATE: Mimi Takes a Tumble


Stacy, the scheming gold-digger from Monterey, sent me this video of Mimi falling on her butt. She needs to be more careful since she's clearly with child. I suspect twins.

Good Day

The Devil

The Silver Lining...

...of this cloud:  Her newest mug-shot is MUCH cuter than the last and I'd say her best yet. On top of her other charges, I think she should be found guilty of being absolutely adorable.

Good Day

Sesame Street After Dark

The very adult and provocative True Blood is parodied on Sesame Street (!!!). Although the skit opens with a shot of brown Lil' Lafayette lugging dishes to the kitchen (I won't go there today, I've got enough on my plate), at least there are no scenes of Sookie's puppet counterpart getting beaten by chains by unruly drunks in the parking lot like in the real True Blood pilot episode.




This comes on the heels of another Sesame scandal! In case you haven't seen it (it earned over one million views on Monday alone), here's the Katy Perry and Elmo (who is clearly in need of Ritalin) video that went viral and then was promptly edited out of the episode due to several complaints of excess cleavage (???). Um...you can see more bounce than that at the beach. Since Sesame Street is for pre-schoolers, I suspect the complaints were lobbied by mothers that were fearful the sight of Ms. Perry's pert, powdery and jiggly bosoms would make recently weaned from breast-feeding-and now quite toothy-toddlers hungry for a return trip to the nip.

UPDATE: Ms. Perry BOUNCES back on SNL


Great Hera! They're everywhere!



Good day

Letter From The Editor: Survivor Edition

Since T is no longer watching Survivor, you'll be getting all of your updates from me this season (haters please jump down to the boring button right now). Generally the tribal council session is the least interesting part of the show for me, I prefer the challenges, however this one was a stunner. Check out meathead Shannon (yes its a dude) on the ropes and desperate to the point he starts questioning a tribemate's sexuality. Probst's reaction is priceless and appropriate. Sadly even I will admit Survivor is reaching further than ever this season and took a page from The Real World by casting people who suffer from mental illness. Lets hope it stays as interesting as this.

Wednesday Woe As the Smell of The Tuesday Morning Turd Still Lingers in the Air

I'm still bitter after watching the useless and wimpy Democrats get schooled, roughed up and owned by old-ass John McCain yesterday as his successful filibuster resulted in the stalling of overturning DADT on the Senate floor. It was a vulgar display of politicking that left me unable to smile, unwilling to blog, and able to do little else besides strategize and plan the upcoming revolution.

While eagerly plotting your demise; I still managed to come across two things that almost made me smile. The first, shockingly came from CJ Crash's normally boring blog. She hiked up Iron Mountain in Poway (as I used to do with D3 waaaaaay back when we first moved to San Diego and I didn't have anyone else to spend time with) and if you've ever hiked it you know there are little journals at the top where you can scribble in your little granola-fied and hippy ass musings. When CJ Crash read the following entry:

What beautiful prose. I love how making it to the top of the mountain made him instantly horny as he hoped for someone ("Mainly Paula") to bestow "some dome" to his most certainly musty groin.

Here's a tip: If the trailer shows the villain's mom asking her daughter's college roommate, "So, she's taking her medication?" in a nonchalant manner, the filmmakers are in on the joke and clearly going for broad comedy and not the unintentional laughter that some may suspect.

Then there was this trailer for Single White Female The Roommate. Thank you Oprah I needed this laugh. This trailer features an absurdly adorable, precious little pop-eyed pinch of a Gossip Girl actress trying to act unbalanced and scary, while reigning terror as she becomes obsessed with the (nearly indistinguishable from herself) heroine. Since you already know what's going to happen, the trailer just walks you right through the certain to be sh*tty film (It's like a mini-movie) so not only are we spared the burden of paying admission (ha!), but we are treated to knee-slappers like the heroine hacking, "I'm her ONLY friend," while looking at Frienderz (a Facebook knock-off) on her laptop.

Once the revolution comes, trifle like this won't be as common-place beause things will start to get real serious, so I suggest you enjoy it while you can.

Tuesday Morning Turd

Editor In Chief's Note:

I'm bringing you yet another Smartphone related blog here, before you close your browser hear me out. We all know the Apple fanboys love their Apples. We also know the angry HnH types would love to firebomb the Apple headquarters and publicly execute Steve Jobs for fascism. We all have access to the same online reviews, done by people who review devices for a living, but don't actually use all of the devices they review day in and day out. For the 2^nd time this month I bring you a firsthand review from someone who has actually used two competing devices. The first feature was here where an angry HnH discussed switching horses from the iPhone to the HTC Evo. This blog from HNB discussed switching from his beloved BlackBerry to the HTC Evo. For anyone considering a move to one of the newer smartphones out there this will be of benefit. For anyone out there having a tough time sleeping at night, this will also be of benefit. Take it away HNB…

Infamous Crackberry super-user and long time AT&T customer abandons ship for greener(?) pastures

I've been a loyal BlackBerry user for 5 years. I'm a sales rep by trade and need a phone that could integrate work email, calendar, and contacts seamlessly as well as handle some applications and mobile porn surfing. Blackerry has always provided me with a reliable and consistent device to handle all of my work related needs and even though my current Bold 9700 is a great phone, I've been secretly yearning for more fun. I've stated that something like the iPhone would be way too distracting, thus affecting my work and my marriage, (more so than my Bold already has!) but push has finally come to shove, mainly because:

Read More

Score One for Hard Drinking Heathens! An Appletini a Day Keeps the Doctor Away!

Time Magazine asks, "Why Do Heavy Drinkers Outlive Non-Drinkers?"  According to the article: One of the most contentious issues in the vast literature about alcohol consumption has been the consistent finding that those who don't drink tend to die sooner than those who do. The author, John Cloud, then spends a lot of ink trying to figure out why. I suspect it is pretty simple. With the exception of those forced into sobriety due to alcoholism, the people who completely refrain from any sort of booze whatsoever are usually pretty boring. They probably just bored themselves to death, or attempted to bore someone else to death but were taken out first.  At least that's my theory. Please feel free to share your theories in the comments section so I have something to read today too.

Good Day

Bootlegs, Bible Thumpin' and Bigotry

I have been looking all over the Internet for this hilarious clip from the uproarious, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, where a jealous and bible thumpin' Mac confronts his ex (whom once had a penis but is now "post-op") and her new husband. I finally found this bootleg version so hurry to the 1:26 mark of the video above before FX finds it and takes it down. Which is rude. I think they should provide the video legally as this is essential viewing for bigots that use the bible as an excuse for their bigotry so they are somewhat clued in to how ridiculous they look.

Good Luck

Things to Do Over the Weekend Interrupted

I had every intention of knocking out a Things To Do Over The Weekend but I got distracted by Comixed.com.

So......

Paparazzo Pummeled by....ADAM LAMBERT!?!?!?

My jaw almost hit the floor when I read the following on TMZ.com, "TMZ has learned ... the Miami Beach Police Department is now in the middle of a violent incident involving "American Idol" runner-up Adam Lambert ... after the alleged victim filed a police report. According to the police report, obtained by TMZ, the victim claims Adam grabbed his backpack "where the camera was placed" ... and "wrestled [the photog] to the ground forcefully."

I was confused until I looked at the photos from the incident. Then I bust a gut laughing. Here's two tips for that photographer - 1) If Adam Lambert snaps and actually puts down his mascara wand long enough to come after you and somehow he actually manages to kick your ass...tell no one. Ever. Die with this secret. 2) If you do not value your reputation in the community whatsoever and are so greedy that you actually have the chutzpah to file charges after surviving a so-called "Adam Lambert attack," try not to be photographed laughing and giggling by other paparazzi while Adam and his somehow even less intimidating companion flail about in a laughable manner during the scuffle.  These photos reveal that you were more at risk of injury by handling simple copy-paper, due to the perils of a possible paper cut.

Lambert has a chubby here!



 

HAHAHAHA! I'm outta captions. This is just absurd.

Good Day

Bonus Blogging Du Marja:
The Now Classic Gay/Hipster Fight

More P90X As We Present...

I am pretty impressed with P90X.  I take the DVDs with me on the road and do some of the workouts in the hotel room.  When the workout requires weights, I write down the exercises on a piece of paper and go to the gym.

Of course, the whole idea of P90X is muscle confusion.  There are 3 "training blocks" of 4 weeks each.  You do 6-7 workouts a week for 3 weeks.  The 4th week is considered to be a "recovery phase" where you do mainly the cardio workouts, not the strength workouts.

I modify some of the workouts because I want more strength.  For instance, the chest and back workout has you do tons of push ups and pull ups in many variations.  Instead of doing all push ups, I go to the gym and do bench presses to get more weight.

This is the first video workout I have done.  I like it because it keeps you motivated and moving.  Sometimes it is easy in the gym to slack off and take too much  time between sets.  When you are following the video, you can't do that unless you press pause, but there is a motivation to stay up with the video.

I am ending my 3rd week now.  According to my scale, I have lost about 4 pounds of fat and gained about 2 pounds of muscle (my scale also calculates the percent of body fat).  I didn't have much weight to lose in the first place, so the results aren't going to be huge.  If you are 50 pounds over weight, the results would be much larger.

Some of the exercises appear simple at first, but after a few seconds of doing them, they kick your ass.  The "Plyometrics" workout is ridiculous.  I sweat more in that hour than I ever do running.  I swear I burn about 700 calories.  I hate doing legs, especially anything with the quads.  There are some exercises that just kill your quads, and you are lifting nothing but your own body weight.  It has been more effective than doing leg presses or extensions in the gym.

There is one disc for yoga.  It was the first time I ever did yoga.  I thought it would be some pansy thing (in fact the trainer makes fun of people who think that).  It is some crazy stuff.  Some of the positions you have to get into are ridiculous, and you end up sweating buckets.

This has been Hands On With HNH!

Lex In The Afternoon: P90X

I've gained serious amounts of weight in the last year, probably about 20 lbs, and traded in my hipster jeans for Levi's. Although everyone tells me I needed to gain the weight and look much better, the narcissist in me still hears, "You got fat!" Ok, I know I'm not fat but I am vain so I decided it was time to get leaner and have been mulling over tackling the P90X©, for a few weeks now, to make that happen.  

I knew Mik Bitterman had tried it so I asked T to get a full report for me. He came back with the following, "Mik Bitterman is almost at the 90 day mark. He said it is one hour, six times a week and it is brutal. He said it was a difficulty level of nine out of ten. I was stunned at this because he's done work-outs as grueling as that German Vooten Training nonsense. Good luck to you." When T says "German Vooten Training" he is actually talking about German Volume Training but he didn't learn that until he read this about 15 minutes ago and I guess MikBitterman, like me, never bothered to correct him because it sounds funny.

P90X is this generation's Charles Atlas.

I finally decided to start it earlier this week. I don't think I've ever felt more like a douche bag in all my life then when I was standing against the wall, shirtless and flexing for my "before" shot. I'm a few days into it now and it really sucks. Yesterday, during the "Shoulders & Arms" and "Ab-Ripper X" DVD's I thought, "What are you doing? You are a glutton for punishment!" I think the thing that gets me through it, besides vanity, is the fact that the trainer on the DVD is a total tool and I derive satisfaction from mentally telling him to "F*ck Off!" every few minutes. 

A sample "before and after" shot posted by some rocker type guy online. He is loving life as his "options" for boning have increased with his biceps.

Look for my "before" and "after" shots on this blog in 90 days. And ladies, if you are single and are finding that the only action you are able to pull is at 2AM in a dark bar and your date never remembers you in the morning. You should start the P90X© pronto. Like this lady.....

This will allow you to get picked up sooner and leave the bar a little earlier with someone a little less wasted. I'm thinking probably around 12:30, when their vision is starting to get a little blurry but they will still have full recollection of the evening.

Now F*ck you too!  

I Suspect the Only Sparks Occurred When Their Agents Argued Over Who Would Get Top Billing

My word. I haven't been this uncomfortable or worried since 2001 when I watched the trailer for The Mexican starring Julia Roberts and Brad Pitt. Sometimes when stars get TOO big it is hard for me to swallow them as a romantic couple because all I see is Julia Roberts acting with Brad Pitt and it seems forced because I never truly believe that they want to f*ck. I got the same feeling  earlier this year when Tom Cruise was paired with Cameron Diaz in the flop, Knight and Day. Now I fear it will happen again after watching the trailer for, The Tourist, with my beloved Angelina Jolie and Johnny Depp. It appears the two mega-stars were so busy trying to out-accent the other that they may have not given any effort into making an actual connection and we may be in for a coupling as chemistry-free as Will Smith and Charlize Theron in Hancock. I hope I'm wrong. But it is usually best to cast a star of smaller wattage, or a complete unknown, against celebrities of this stature. Of course, there are exceptions, like Mr. and Mrs. Smith, but that was a lucky break, thanks to the combustible, erection producing chemistry between Pitt and Jolie, because it seemed like the only thing they wanted to do was f*ck and fight and then fight and f*ck.

Do forgive me for my over-use of f*ck. Blame Marja for introducing me to that preposterously catchy Cee-Lo song.

Good Day

And on That Note: Vader Continues To Give

Even non-nerds may appreciate this video of Darth Vader at Dragon-Con. But I doubt if anyone will find "Bubba-Fett" as funny as I did.

Curiously, I Only Really Enjoyed Eps. IV and V

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away an evil empire released these propaganda-posters.

This morning in San Diego, a dork e-mailed them to a geek and stated, "Dude check out these paintings of the Empire Propaganda. Bad Ass"

More here.

Outdoorsy Jarrod in: The Illegal Immigrant Invasion

Outdoorsy Jarrod (blindingly pale bloke, center), had quite the day. And yes I had to white out the face of someone, as his ex reads this blog regularly, and I wanted her to be able to keep her breakfast down. 

Proving without a doubt, "If you build it, they will come," Outdoorsy-Jarrod erected a Jose Cuervo volleyball net at Mission Beach and is now reaping the awards as the Jose Cuervo Bikini Team asked him if they could use it for a photo shoot this past Saturday during Epic Volleyball Saturdays. And that wasn't even CLOSE to the most exciting thing to happen that day. That award goes to the sudden and startling Illegal Immigrant Invasion.

O.J. is still rocking a clam-shell Motorola Razr so this picture is crap but you can see the boat in the background.

While immersed in a game of volleyball, the players noticed a boat in Mission Bay that was moving at great velocity and  getting dangerously close to the shore. Eyes widened as the boat smashed ONTO the beach with great force (OJ estimates that the the back end of the boat was at least 10 feet away from the water) and then all of the passengers jumped off the boat and scattered in separate directions. After he relayed the story to me, later that evening, the following convo took place:

The illegal immigrant boat was hauled off where I'm certain it will be sold at a government auction

T: That is insane! How could this possibly happen without arrest.

O.J.: No one does anything but stare. It is the second time I've seen it happen. People are getting more desperate now that Arizona has tightened up their laws. I wish I could have taken a video for your blog.

T: ME TOO! We would go VIRAL! So those men just hopped off the boat and scattered? Did they have a plan? Where the hell did they go?

O.J. I don't know. Probably Home Depot

He aint right

Oprah-Fy Yourself.

In honor of the Mighty Oprah's final season; some chuckle-heads over at Oprah.com thought it would be funny to let us Oprah-fy ourselves. Well...

they were

right.

my Oprah.... More Oprah-fy photos will be added to this post later today as I upload pics of more blog regulars so we can laugh at  with them.


UPDATE: The following two were sent in by Twin:

Fat Bradrah

Jeffrah