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| My current computer |
I'm getting a new computer at work so I'll be offline for a bit. After I bitched to the owner that I didn't think my computer was fast enough, he sent Ryan, our hulking brute of an I.T. guy, to see if he could do something to speed it up, like add memory. I stopped Ryan dead in his tracks when I launched into, "This computer sucks. It should be in some teenage girl’s bedroom for face-booking, not in a place of business. I'm surprised there's not a Hello Kitty sticker on the side of it! It couldn't even be in a teenage boy’s room because they would need more processing power for online gaming and porn." This led to a candid conversation about how kids these days have readily available Internet porn. Ryan then told the story of how when he was a teenager he had a stack of naked girlie mags under his bed. One day his mom found them and they simply disappeared. They never discussed the incident and it was if the magazines never existed (White people suppression and their ability to sweep anything under the carpet never ceases to amaze me).
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One good thing about Internet Porn: Moving "happy time" from the bathroom to the bedroom is more environmentally friendly due to toilet paper vs. stiff rag clean up methods.
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In Junior High, I, on the other hand, had a frequently used, adult erotica, western, paperback novel, that featured a manly, well-hung cowboy hero with a rippling chest that was prone to taking large-breasted women roughly as their bosoms heaved in breathless anticipation, as they struggled to remove the too-tight bodice and succumb to passion and pleasures of the flesh (I think the lack of actual images helped develop my over-active imagination). I kept this paperback in the bathroom, hidden in a cupboard under several bath towels, for happy time. Then, on one sad day I heard, "BOY! WHAT IN THE WORLD IS THIS?!?!" and I knew the gig was up. It was a God fearing home.
Anyway, Ryan walked away without even looking at my computer. Then last week he announced, "Your new computer is here." He's actually going to install it in just a few minutes. The delay occurred because it was a terrible burden to transfer all my music and photo files onto our server. I was bitching about that when I thought, "This bitching feels familiar." Sure enough, I did a search in the TWL archives for "new computer" and came across this item from January 2008. That pretty much sums it up.
So yeah, my original point was technical difficulties may occur.
Good Day
Bonus Blogging: Unprecedented Editorial Edict
After the Editor in Chief read this post he decided he wanted to comment on it but wanted it added to the main post instead of the comments section. Thus we present...
I was a teenage Porn Junkie!
My early experiences with porn were very similar to Ryan's (and probably all other white guy's). First saw hardcore in 8th grade when someone brought 3-4 torn out sheets from a Hustler magazine. I remember thinking "So THAT'S what it looks like!' I had no idea up until that point because Health Class was painfully puritanical in my school. You know that the man "inserts his penis into the vagina and its feels good" but that was about it. I remember when I got my few minutes with those Hustler pages I never gave them back, they started a collection that found its home in a comic book box tucked between issues of Classic X-Men and the then brand new Wolverine series.
I thought I was great at hiding things until one day I went to my stash and it was GONE! Instead there was a typed note (we had a word processor, not a computer in the home) stating that "pornography is NOT allowed in this home!" The odd thing about it this, and where it gets eerily similar to Ryan's story, is that this was never talked about. I was never told why pornography was not allowed in the home. I was never told not to jerk off like a madman, but I was never told it was ok either. It was as if teen sexuality did not exist. I think my parent's felt they said all they needed to when they definitely stated "Sex is an awesome, fun, and beautiful thing when enjoyed within the confines of marriage, in all other instances its immoral" and that was that!
My porn stash was temporarily moved to an abandoned shed in a vacant house down the street, until one day when I went to have a bit of personal time I saw the school security guard and principal there walking out with a cardboard box of vintage playboys (acquired from a friend's father who was tossing them, one of them included the original MADONNA nude shots she took in the 80s). The school officials never found out who was responsible for the stash (I wasn't alone in compiling it) but the hole in the fence used to access the shed was promptly closed.
Porn stash eventually made it back to the bedroom, but was kept in a homemade locked box along with a couple salacious love letters from a chick who gave me a handjob at summer camp.
