Twin In: Trying To Be Cute
It would be a lie if I were to write this blog and have it have nothing to do with me. Cause lets face it, I must let the reputation proceed me, I’m self absorbed and a bit attention hungry…..ok, ok, not a bit…. a lot attention hungry. The problem with these two qualities is one day when your “trying to be cute” you find yourself falling face first on a red carpet in front of a packed audience with a skinned knee and a sprained ankle.
What does “trying to be cute” mean? This “trying to be cute,” is when you want to give those watching something to watch and then you royally fail. It’s like bringing out the inner Diva, Baller, Pimp, Badass you have and then killing them. Like if you’re trying to impress some guy by switching your hips when you walk by him while you got toilet paper hanging out your pants. You were trying to be cute. Or if you are going for the gold medal in figure skating and then get hit in the knee with a lead pipe leaving you horse faced and screaming WHYYYYY????? well….you were trying to be cute!
Nobody shows “trying to be cute” better than celebrity performers. And boy can I relate! Look at me! Watch me dance! Love me! Hate me! I don’t care just LOOK AT ME!
Oh Janet, your little publicity stunt with the nipple ring. While Justin’s album went double platinum your emerging Damita Joe didn’t even make the top 40. You got owned! Maybe if Justin had just shown the tip……Janet you were TRYING TO BE CUTE!
I love me some JLO, I actually had an obsession with her from my senior year in high school till mid college (more like a year ago) I even tried to dye my hair like her, wear clothes like her, dance like her, I digress I must remember, this is not about me….J Lo at the Grammy’s begins giving her spicy performance with shirtless greased up guys and smokin’ choreography where she gets to climb these guys backs like a stair case while writhing in latex. It could have been brilliant until she eats shit and lands plum on her fat-ass scrambling to get up. She told the media “that was part of the choreography,” but we all know Miss Jenny from the block you were TRYING TO BE CUTE!
This has to be by far the most gnarly ownage ever. Poor Britney, we’ve seen her extensions grown out of her head, we’ve seen her fake eyelashes falling off on national tv, we’ve even seen her labia as she gets out of cars. But seeing her tampon string flap around as she’s performing onstage really takes the cake. Nothing is less sexy than seeing the one thing separating you from a woman and her menstruation. (watch video here) My dear Britney I’ve loved you since your days of fake virginal virtue but lets face it… you were TRYING TO BE CUTE!
So as I limp around bruised up, busted, and dejected, I must say it’s comforting to know that I have something in common with three of my favorite celebrity attention whores (besides being attention whores). It’s definitely not there talent, looks or money but rather we’ve all been victim to the harsh lessons of TRYING TO BE CUTE!