I’m almost out of here for a glorious 4 day weekend. There is one thing you can bank on over this holiday weekend, baby will be fed…frequently. In honor of the occasion I give you a list of

10 Things I am Thankful for:

1. ***censored***
2. Porn
3. Booze
4. Coffee
5. The Young & the Restless (It's getting GOOD!)
6. Angela’s cooking (when she’s sober), Twin’s Cooking and Bobble’s Appetizers
7. Free Promotional Items (particularly T-shirts)
8. Cheap Magazine Subscriptions
9. Lube
10. Splendid and rare occasions when D3 travels for vacation, so I don’t have to look at his stupid face or hear his nauseating and slurred voice.

Remember to take time to be grateful for whatever you have going on in your punk-ass, candy-ass life.

UPDATE: Our Editor In Chief Wants in on the action, so here's his list:

1. Friends (all of you)
2. C***** a** u************ g********* (censored to avoid puking*)
3. Being employed
4. Rock Band/Guitar Hero
5. The Internets (we all know what it was invented for)
6. Beach bike rides
7. Good Health
8. HBO
9. Herb
10. Music

*I already tossed my cookies at the girlish #1 and #6 entries. I thought I was supposed to be the gay one?

Maria's Musings: Sex in Film

Hello, I'm sex personified. BOTH Maria and T have confessed they'd switch teams for me.

As promised, here's the first part of our 4 part series where Maria, H.N.B., our Editor in chief and your humble blogger offer their opinions on EW's 50 Sexiest Films of all time list. When first asked to contribute, Maria sniffed "I haven't seen enough of these movies to give any good input at all. I prefer to have my sex off-screen." After a gentle reminder that she could have seen more of these movies if she spent a little less time viewing German Scat Porn, she reconsidered. I'm glad she did. Her candor is delicious. So... Tea With Lemon is Proud to Present:

Maria's Musings (I'll try to keep my interruptions to a minimum. )

In a scene deemed too salacious for the film and thus ended up on the cutting room floor, Johnny takes Baby roughly from the back.

Dirty Dancing – First time I ever felt aroused by a movie.

Basic Instinct – Like others, I’ve rewound that snatch scene at least 10 times and still haven’t seen anything. I think I gave my husband a hand job at the movies during that one.

Unfaithful – Infidelity never looked soo good! (T here. I must interject and say that this movie should be viewed by EVERYONE for educational purposes. The lesson: It does not matter if you are as hot as Richard Gere, if a dark and swarthy Olivier Martinez type is making goo-goo eyes at your wife. You best check him before things get out of hand.)

Last of the Mohicans – WTF? Great movie! Sexy? No. (T here, pardon my intrusion, but I need to say this movies sexiness can be summed up in three words, Daniel Day Lewis, the thinking person's sex symbol. I'm certain he'd put it down in a technically perfect, yet dignified manner, and then educate you on the philosophies of Friedrich Nietzsche afterwards)

Mr. & Mrs. Smith – The dancing scene in the rain in Mexico......oh my god what can I say.....sex should be like that EVERY Time. Hot! (T here. Pardon my intrusion, again but I must say, Amen! Sadly, I couldn't find any photos of that scene online)

I can't concentrate with all that whirring and humming. Blast that horny Maria!

Shakespeare in Love – Joseph Finnes was the fantasy for my first mechanically enhanced masturbation moment.

Gross! Can you imagine the germs on that pole?

Finally, where is Showgirls??? That movie is severely underrated, if only for it’s abundance of natural non-surgically enhanced breasts. (Um...in my final intrusion, you can find Showgirls here, as part of EW's 25 Least Sexy Movies EVER!)

That's all for now. I'd like to thank Maria once again for her commentary, however brief.

The Great Myspace Caper

Just like the Witches of Eastwick could never remember the name of Jack Nicholson’s character in the movie, whenever I sat down to write about the “Great MySpace Caper” I immediately forgot about it and moved on to something else. One person who did not forget is my gossipy ex-co-worker, Stacy (How we miss her, she was one of the few spots of cuteness in this vast sea of ugly), as she is a rabid fan of heresay and speculation. I should mention that Stacy was on the receiving end of gossip, here at the office, as she once was illicitly propositioned in the break-room (By an extremely ugly man no less. The nerve! I would have been insulted, puked, and then slapped him stupid. Stacy handled it with dignity and gently rebuffed the unwelcome advances). Stacy finally jumped shipped after snagging one of our clients (I kid you not, they started flirting on the phone and it escalated from there) that happened to have a generous portion of land near Monterey CA. If I were one for gossip, I would tell you how Stacy was a divorcee with two young children, but she kept it tight enough to bedazzle our client right down the aisle for marriage #2. She then uprooted the kids and moved in with him. As insurance, she shrewdly got preggers again (they may as well have named the baby “nest egg”), so she’s all set, while the rest of us toil away in misery.

Anyway, I will now share a first hand conversation, between me and another co-worker, Ethyl the hysteric (after she told me, in this convo here, that she was divorcing her husband, she didn’t and chaos ensued) that took place in my office, that I like to call the “Great MySpace Caper”

Remember, the names have been changed to protect the guilty.

T: So your daughter saw Radon (Ethyl’s husband and father of one her children, the other is illegitimate) on Myspace?
Ethyl: Yes, I still can’t believe it. He had no idea the girl he was having an affair with was posting their pic. She’s 21, the same age as our daughter, and he’s 42!
T: (After thinking quietly to myself: Damn! That’s the coveted 50/split that OJ told me about. What an achievement!) But you were divorcing him anyway. Right?
E: We’d reconciled. I flew out to see him (Radon works in Alaska) and it was all good. I actually saw the young girl when I was there, as she lives near him. And something about her..my woman’s intuition went off!
T: Oh. So what did you do when your daughter showed you the pics?
E: Well. I said nothing. I went on a “fact-finding” mission. I had my daughter find me lots of pictures of a handsome man and created an account, Gary. Then I went about adding lots of friends and put up loads of info. It took me about two weeks, and then I invited the young girl to be my “MySpace friend".
T: (eyes bulging) WHAT!?!?
E: Yes, and she accepted. After that, and it wasn’t overnight I’ll tell you, I became her confidante. She went on and on about this guy she was seeing THAT WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF A DIVORCE! I knew everything that was going on once Radon left the door. One day he said, “I’ll e-mail you when I get to Alaska” and I thought, “No you won’t. The internet in your complex is down for the next two days!” That little bitch told me EVERYTHING! Do you know that when I visited Radon in Alaska, he told her that we were getting divorced but that I wanted to keep up appearances, for this last time, as it was our final time together? So she respected that but it hurt her a lot. I still can’t believe that when I saw her there my women’s intuition went off; she looked at me with a mixture of pity and disgust. Well I used this opportunity to begin a ROMANTIC courtship of the girl. I began talking my husband down while building up “Gary” We wrote long love e-mails back and forth and planned to meet in Alaska…
T: Have you lost your rabbit-ass mind? The last time we spoke you didn’t even WANT him!
E: Well, once this little bitch wanted him, something competitive triggered in me!
T: You need Oprah.
E: Anyway, after we agreed to meet, I had everything I needed. I printed out Myspace message after Myspace message of our conversations (Little did Ethyl know, but No-Nonsense Laura, Ethyl’s arch-nemesis, discovered them on our printer at work, before Ethyl collected them, and thought, “What the hell is this?”). Then, when Radon came home, I prepared a nice dinner, so he had no idea what was coming. Then, I dropped the stack of papers on the table and told him, “Here! Read these. I not only know all about your little trick in Alaska, but I know EVERYTHING that you’ve been telling her. I want you to read all of these so YOU get to know the person you ruined our marriage over. I’m Gary muthaf*cka, and if Gary made it to Alaska this weekend, while you were out of town, like he and your little ho planned, she would have f*cked him by now! BOOM!”
T: …………………………………………….

Moral of the Story 1: You will get caught. Women's intuition is not to be trifled with. Pray your woman is not as spiteful and diabolical as Ethyl.

Moral of the Story 2: Gossip is vulgar. Stacy should know better than to insist on this posting.

Moral of the Story 3: This is all for naught, Ethyl will take him back. This is all just a step in the ongoing dance of drama they have going. Some people are addicted to drama and misery. Oprah help them all.

Good Day.

Free Dr. Pepper Deadline Looms

You have until 6PM today, Monday November 24th, to get your free can of Dr. Pepper here.

For those who haven't heard, Guns N' Roses finally released their Chinese Democracy album*. Its my belief that they did this out of spite because Dr. Pepper promised a free can of soda to everyone if the oft-delayed, Chinese Democracy (10 years in the making) actually managed to hit shelves in 2008.

While a can of soda may not seem like a big deal to you now, I suspect it will become a luxury item once this recession mushrooms into a full-blown depression. I recommend you get your free soda now. You've only hours to act.

Good Day.

*While I don't even want to think about listening to all that racket; The Emo-elf burst through the front door and puked, "Have you heard the new Guns N' Roses? Man, it is awesome!" If you are thinking of using this spirited recommendation as a catalyst for purchasing the CD, I must caution you that Emo-elf is as dumb as a box of bricks.

The Gateway to Porn

This gem was waiting for me in my mailbox today. EW chronicles the 50 Sexiest Movies Ever (Hmmph! I'll be the judge of that!) and Patrick Wilson and Kate Wilson from the little seen, but smart, Little Children, graces the cover. I yammered on back in May 2007 that this was, "the best film I've seen all year" and recommended it for "EVERYONE except persons more conservative than me that are offended by movies with scenes featuring thrusting bare-buttocks, the sniffing of lingerie, masturbation and other instances of kink."

I can't wait to see where they ended up on the list. As homework assignment, I will be asking local, pleasures of the flesh enthusiasts, horny Hot-Nerd Brian and Man-hungry Maria, to review the list as well, and give us some input next week to go along with my propriety based opinions and the wind-baggery of our editor-in-chief. You can join us by reviewing the list on-line here.

Good Day.

Examples In Owned

I don't like ugly or mean-spirited behavior but our editor in chief does, so he laughed when Lindsay Lohan was pelted with flour in the video above.


He also chuckled when a clueless Randy was bamboozled during last night's tribal council on Survivor Gabon? All Survivor fan's MUST read Jeff Probst's blog here, for his thoughts on all the shenanigans that went down.

This has been Examples in Owned

Good Day

Recession Claims Another Victim: Oprah

According to the article here: Oprah Winfrey's annual "Favorite Things" show (which airs Nov. 26) won't include her usual pricey gifts. In light of the tight economy, the talk show host, 54, is instead giving away only affordable items. "They're some of Oprah's favorite things, but this time there's a twist...they cost next to nothing!" says a statement released to Usmagazine.com by an Oprah Winfrey Show rep.

Well that's great news! Year after year I sit home with envy, while the studio audience gets showered with gifts! Now I'm grateful not to be in the audience as I would bitch, and risk forced removal, when Oprah tried to give me some raggedy ass, no or low cost gifts. Dodged that bullet!

Furthermore, US magazine should be ashamed of themselves for inserting the following link into the aforementioned article:
See photos of Oprah's fluctuating weight over the years.

Now you know that's not right!

Good day.

Chastity Compromised as Teens Flock to Twilight

I must admit I was a little embarrassed when Mik asked me, “What is this Twilight movie all about? My mom called all the way from Italy wondering about it because it’s on the news all day,” and all I could say was, “I don’t know.”
Yup, I pride myself with staying abreast on current events but, for some reason, I never took a moment to catch up on Twilight. I thought it was based on a set of romance novels for teenage girls (You should have seen the little girl nerdlings lose their composure at Comic-con as they dashed to the Twilight panel.), so I did not even bother to read the cover story from my beloved Entertainment Weekly.

The first.....


or second time!

I ignored all appearances of the star, Rob Pattinson, although he has been omnipresent. He even stopped by to listen to Tyra talk about herself.

When Maria (a.k.a the Mysterious Maija) told me that the Twilight books contained SEX. I almost passed out. Then I saw this photo of the men in the cast and I began to worry. I thought, "Hell no. They cast a bunch of 'bad-boy' types. If I had a teenage girl and one of these guys showed up to take her out, I would tell them to 'Get the f**k out of here!' They just look like trouble. They should have used all those nice, non-threatening boys from High School Musical or the Jonas Brothers. This will wreak havoc on the budding sexuality of ripening teenagers!"

Trust me, I know what I'm talking about.

My first chubby occurred while eating a bowl of Count Chocula. I was confused and thought nothing of it.

Still innocent and unaware of sex, all I know is that I LOVED vampire comics. Here is one of my favorite covers of all-time; Morbius the vampire delivering one hell of a pimp slap to Spider-Man.

Then Storm, one of the most powerful X-men, was seduced and turned into Dracula's queen, albeit briefly, in this issue of the X-Men. After that, and it was all over.

I can't tell you how many times I watched The Lost Boys. Brooding Jason Patric was almost too much for my little teenage self to handle, and even back then I appreciated how they pushed the uglier actors to the back of the poster.

We won't even GET into the Tom Cruise/Brad Pitt grappling in Interview with A Vampire.


I still haven't forgotten the time I watched From Dusk Till Dawn, with my friend Ron. He completely lost his mind over Salma Hayek as sexy, vampire stripper, Santanico Pandemonium.

After it was revealed that she was a Vampire, he actually rewound the DVD and watched her scenes again while making toolish statements like, "I can't believe you wouldn't want to hit that! Look at those big, juicy t*****s! Man, would I like to..." I realized the erotic mixture of sex and death had overwhelmed him, and forgave him this idiocy.

More recently, leather clad Kate Beckinsale, as vampire-warrior Selene in the Underworld movies, became the jerk poster girl for the Comic-con crowd (a.k.a. Those that aren't getting any).

While even more recently, the divisive (You either love it or hate it. I love it and relish the opportunity to say, "Aw Sookie Sookie now"-sorry, inside joke.) True Blood, doesn't mess around and the cast is often seen getting it on or in various states of undress.

And I'm grateful for the kink. I pick up a few tips, here and there, and marvel at the amount of man-scaping that the always undressed, Ryan Kwanten, must endure.

Ooops, I'm out of time. I still know very little about Twilight, but go read the Top 70 Vampire films of all time here, and remember this: If your teenage girl watches Twilight, and then dumps sweet little Jimmy and starts hanging out with brooding, bad-boy, surly types named Mason, Ryder or Gunnar, you should worry. In the meantime, never forget the

Moral of this Blog: Count Chocula was really good.

Letter From The Editor: Recession Claims Another Victim- Gay Night

Here we have Maggie looking cute in carefully selected outfit, Derrick hoping for salvation, and D3 wondering if his wrinkles will return tomorrow.

T's now famous, and religiously attended "Gay Night" took a big hit last month when it was leveraged and raped for Stef's self serving interests, you can read all about that here. Stef meant well, and was nice enough to alert potential attendees that there would be a sales pitch for some crap candles, and encouraged the men to arrive late to avoid the torture.

Twin, the gracious and generous host of the Gay Night Finale (aka Top Model Season Finale) was not quite as courteous and didn't give me so much as an inkling to what was in store until I had already sat down with my plate of food.

Twin is an amazing cook and I had no one to blame but myself for not being able to enjoy her restaurant quality corn beef and cabbage stew. (I gave up eating beef this year, but that's a blog for another time). Luckily T consumed my share, and then some.

As group gathered in the living room to eat and watch the show, or so we thought, a strange vibe filled the room as someone mentioned that newcomers Ashley and Derrick were there to give a "presentation" to us. I immediately thought "Oh sh*t, sales pitch coming" and tried to think of which MLM/Pyramid schemes were hot right now. The two I've heard the most about recently are Primerica and Shaklee . I've successfully avoided any sales pitches from friends and family for both of those companies over the years, but early on in my naive youth I had the unfortunate experience of sitting through pitch meetings for the following: The Trudeau Group , Equinox, and Excel Communications . I could spend an entire blog on each of those companies, but instead I'll talk in general about what it means to be an MLM (Multi Level Marketing Company) and why they are almost always a bad idea. *

It turns out, Derrick and Ashley were there to pitch us NuSkin and their Galvanic Spa system. Its a hand held device that you use a couple times a week for a 10 minute session and it rolls back the hands of time on your face giving you the fresh youthful look that many people in their 30s, 40s, and 50s long for (lets face its, by 60 you've probably given up the fight, the battle was lost a long time ago). The sales pitch included every tactic possible as Derrick openly admitted that he was doing this because he was hard up for money after being laid off and didn't care so much about the products but was more interested in the "business side" of things. Ashley stepped in quickly to explain that the product (see above, which she pulled out of her purse) would sell for upwards of $500 on Melrose avenue, but we could get the wholesale price of $285. Don't forget another $50 every 2 months for "conductive gels" that are absolutely required for this ingenious piece of space age technology to work. In Derrick's defense, it was his first (and hopefully last) presentation. He got some great feedback from T when he chimed in with "You are so hot, can't you find something else to do?" T confided in me that had Derrick not been so easy on the eyes, he would have told him straight up "how ridiculous this sh*t is."

At the end of the day, I aint mad at anybody, especially Derrick and Ashley. As they say, a n*ggas gotta eat. Derrick was unemployed and desperate, and Ashley has a family member who jammed the whole thing down her throat (and is consequently the #4 baller in the entire company). Twin was doing her best to be good to a friend and former co worker, Derrick, and went out of her way to provide a meal that was on point. However for future reference, I am not interesting in attending future sales meetings for any MLM type companies, including time share pitches, get rich while working from home positions, direct marketing opportunities, or anything else you might see advertised on cable between the hours of 2am to 5am.**

We interrupt this blog for a brief safety announcement: A Pompous Wind-bag Advisory has been issued.

Hi. T here to warn you that there is a pompous wind-bag advisory in FULL EFFECT. Our editor is not even close to finished!

This has been a pompous wind-bag advisory. Our Letter from the Editor resumes now.

* Most companies that sell products invest in some sort of marketing, otherwise, how else would you or I ever hear about them? Traditionally companies use print media, TV ads, signage, and radio spots to raise public awareness about products. Of course this doesn't guarantee that a product or company is legit, but its the more traditional way of making a sales pitch. Often times companies will forgo this model and take a different approach called "Network Marketing." Instead of paying for advertising, they recruit "employees" to market the products instead. In 99% of cases this involves the "associates" to market/sell these products to close friends and family, after all, those are the only people you have any real influence over (if you are lucky). Taking this approach doesn't mean a company is a scam or fraud, but it is a good indicator that you are going to lose some of your own cash and piss off a lot of the people you associate with in the process.

To be successful in this type of company you need two things. Sales ability (generally well spoken and charismatic), and a large social network of friends and family (the more gullible the better, if your friends and family all think you walk on water, then I suggest signing up for an MLM immediately). The grandfather of all MLM's is Amway. Mary Kay cosmetics is another household name in the MLM world, and to a lesser degree and Tupperware or candle party you may be lucky enough to get invited to also falls into this category. The thing is, if you do have true sales talent (I don't) you can make much better money working in a more traditional sales job. Not only is your salary guaranteed, its much higher and you don't have to burn bridges with friends and family in the process of trying to make a buck.

MLM aka "Pyramid Scheme" type companies prey upon stay at home moms, new college grads, and the recently unemployed. These people are vulnerable to these sales tactics, and are taught that they have the time needed to really be a success. Almost anyone involved in an MLM will tell you that "you get out of it what you put in." Unfortunately this usually means your own hard earned (or borrowed) cash, and what you get out of it is a hell of a lot of resentment from former friends. MLM's encourage you not only to sell their products, which are generally gimmicky and not unique to the marketplace, but to recruit new "associates" as well to sell to their friends and family. You earn more money by recruiting new people than you do actually selling products. They also require new associates to put some of their own money in up front. Sometimes its to buy "demo" product , sometimes its to attend retreats in order to teach you how to be effective at your new job, and sometimes its simply to buy a DVD or books of training material. If the program is such a money maker, why do they require new employees to "buy in?" Shouldn't they be paying you? Finally, the company usually takes any money you make from sales and funnels it "up the pyramid" in order to pay the person that recruited you, and the person that recruited them. What you get is a few very wealthy people at the top of the pyramid, and a bunch of suckers at the bottom. Ultimately the company relies on up front cash from new sales associates to keep revenue coming in, not the actual sales themselves. For more on this, read about Ponzi Schemes . Eventually the vast majority of MLM's fail and have to declare bankruptcy and/or be restructured. As was the case with NuSkin (formerly Pharmanex, Big Planet, and IDN (Interior Design Nutritionals))

** Please note, I am always available to help friends out with feedback or focus groups similar to the session that local entrepreneur and blog regular O.J. held earlier in the year. These types of pitches generally only request your time and opinion as opposed to asking you to break out your checkbook at the conclusion of a session.

Maria's McKey Unlocks a Win

I'll be candid. The lame season finale of Top Model, was an appropriate ending to a pretty lame season (Although, truth be told, this season did give us one of the best Tyra quotes ever: “She needs some ugly pretty, because right now all she got is pretty pretty, and pretty pretty is ugly ugly." No matter how many times I read or hear it, it still makes me laugh.). Ok, maybe I'm just bitter. My girl, Samantha, came thisclose to clenching a win, and securing bragging rights for me, but McKey (who we've known was going to win all season long), refused to trip on the runway or have a meltdown or die. That was the ONLY way my girl was going to win over Maria's pick, McKey. Anyway, normally this is where I would lambaste Maria (a.k.a. the Mysterious Maija) for having insider information (she read "spoilers" on-line. a pre-pick no no) and invalidate her win. I can't do that, due to this heartwarming exchange:


T: I was so close. It is actually worse having your girl go top two and then have it snatched away. I'd rather she was eliminated earlier.
Maria (while placing a consoling hand on my shoulder and looking at me warmly-not at all easy for her): I know. I feel for you. I was devastated last cycle when they picked that fat cow, Whitney, over my pick, Anya. Nothing stings like going top two and not winning. You'll be ok. There's always next cycle.

"sniff" Thus Maria's win stands. She knows beauty (and has even begun to date attractive men).




The smug and annoying, yet gorgeous, winner.


My girl blew at the cover girl photo shoot. She looks like a hot soccer mom. Still, she had an amazing portfolio. Tyra reminded us that Sam's blossoming was ALL thanks to her, and her demand that Sam's previously flowing blond locks to be shorn close. Tyra preened, "The baby just said, Wah, Mommy, I am a model." I miss the show already.


Bonus Blogging: Blindsides and Biceps at Last Gay Night of the Year

Bobble was here.

First of all, Twin and Bobble deserve big thank you's for the food. It was awesome. Particularly the tender corn-beef and fresh, vert expensive tomato and Feta plate. Bobble asked me to take a picture of her plate and post it, as her mom is worried she is not eating because she looks like a bobble-head. As you can see, some eating took place but she passed over the Spinach.


Now, I can say NOTHING of the unexpected sales presentation that Twin foisted upon our guests, as N.H.F., has a LETTER FROM THE EDITOR blog coming in just a few minutes. Let's just say that Twin's friend Derrick and his biceps (in red shirt above, I couldn't pay attention to one word he was saying as his biceps strained the fabric of his t-shirt, fighting to be free) did a skin-care presentation for us, along with his friend, Ashley (working on Jesse's face above)



Was it a success or did it go over like a lead-balloon? Read the editors letter for your answer. I will give you these two photos of guinea-pig, D3.

As you can clearly see, the left side of his forehead is noticeably wrinkle free. He also looks cute. I'm tired of looking at him every damn day, so I forget he is cute, before he speaks and annoys the living hell out of me.

Here, Ashley and her good manicure point out the improvement in only ten minutes. She also displays that D3 has an eight finger forehead, up from a six, at last measurement.

Good day.

Tonight: Top Model Triumphant!

You're looking at the next America's Next Top Model. View their portfolios here, and we'll convene here tomorrow to talk sh*t.

Extra special thanks to Stacy in Monterey CA, for sending me the photo/link above AND reminding me that I never dished on "The Great MySpace Caper" (an extramarital affair was discovered through MySpace, and I got ALL the dirt). I'll be candid, I forgot. As Nemo would say, my memory is "Not so good" since my lost days in the Bay Area. I'll finally spill the facts (as it was first-hand, and gossip is vulgar. As is MySpace, unless you're under 21) on that tomorrow.

Good Day.

Recession Claims Another Victim: The Landline

Good-bye old frenemy, good-bye.

For the first time ever, I’m living life without the safety-net of landline telephone.

I feel vulnerable but free. Admittedly, it was a cost-cutting measure (and I hate hate hate to talk on the telephone, anyway, so it’s one less way to endure the burden of the dreaded phone conversation), and I know I’m not alone. Someone confessed to me, this morning, that they too discontinued their land-line phone in an effort to trim the fat from their monthly budget. Who knows what’s next to go, as we all hunker down and weather this recession.

Good day.

Confusing Quantum of Solace Still Satisfies

Bam! Someone's about to get bumped off.

In order to truly enjoy the new James Bond Flick: Quantum of Solace (I’ve seen the film, and I still have no idea what the title is about), you should watch the last Bond flick, Casino Royale, first. Quantum picks up right where Casino left off, and if you, like me, don’t have much of a memory, you’ll be lost. I still loved the movie, thanks to its likable protagonist and non-stop action. Give me a car-chase, boat-chase, foot-chase and a rumble or three, and I’m all set. While not as good as Casino Royale (a lofty, almost unachievable goal), I give it four stars out of five.
Since Hot-Nerd Brian, D3, Mik and me watched Royale together (Back in December, 2006.), Mik thought it would be a good idea if the four of us reunited for this flick, so we did, with “one of the guys” Maria, along for the ride, as well as HNB’s girlfriend, the chirpy and nubile Nikki. Here are their thoughts.

Bam! She may have an ugly name, but gorgeous Urkranian, Olga Kurylenko, is a Maxim cover girl and the new Bond Girl. I'll be candid. Her revenge driven character is pretty, but ultimately useless (just like the Emo-Elf) and sets Bond girls back about 10 years. By the third time Bond saves her life, you'll wonder how she ever survived long enough to meet him.

Mik gushed: I loved it. I’m glad I saw Casino Royale a few months ago or I would have been even more confused.
D3 belched: I really liked it. A lot.
Maria moaned: I liked it. But it was confusing and the action sequences reminded me of a Bourne movie with the shaky camera. I liked the Bond girl in this one. I hated the one in Casino Royale. I give it three out of five stars.
H.N.Brian belly-ached: I liked it but I don’t think it had much for a plot.
Nikki chirped: I’ve seen worse movies. (what a ringing endorsement!)

So there you have it. 3 enthusiastic thumbs up, 2 good but you can wait for the DVD, and 1 “I’ve seen worse”

Good day.

Continuing the trend started by Christian Bale in The Dark Knight (who was noticeably less beefy there, than in Batman Begins); while still in amazing, tip-top shape, Daniel Craig is nowhere near as bulky as he was in the previous film, and looks less like a pit-bull.

British Bond girl, Emma Arterton (who was born with 12 fingers) portrays Agent Fields, who foolishly spreads 'em for Bond minutes after meeting him. Obviously unaware that in this new Bond regime; sex= death. Just like in the horror movies.

While most men want to be James Bond, with his style, fast cars, non-stop action and easy sex, that sounds awfully taxing to me, and I’d rather be behind the scenes, like Dame Judy Dench’s M. Regal, dignified and lips always pursed in disapproval; I think M is the true hero of the movie, as she’s involved in all kinds of espionage, but never has to get her hands dirty.